did they stick you in here 'cause you weren't working right...

on to week 2 of the challenge.

i feel horribly exhausted, and my skating last night was abysmal. i was tired, klutzy, and disoriented. i had an asthma attack after the endurance.

i don't understand though - i'm working out more than ever, focusing especially on cardio, and i'm eating less junky food. i should be feeling AMAZING! i know paul sure is, and we're pretty much doing the same thing. the only thing i can think of is that the diet doesn't contain enough iron for my poor body- which would explain why i'm always tired, and why my body just quit on me during practice.

an iron deficiency is the worst because it's not an obvious problem like a broken arm, and i feel sometimes like i just look weak, or like i'm not improving, or not a team player, because i can't always do all the practices to the best of my ability.

i am horribly injury prone [not just little bruises either - i've already had a bruised tailbone, bruised ligaments in my knee, and a rotator cuff injury that have all benched me for lengthy periods of time... and i've only been playing for a year!], and have some touchy restrictions like asthma, and it's really disheartening to always be the one struggling on the side. i want to bout, i want to be amazing, and i know i have it in me - i just wish my body would let me make it happen.

it's hard enough when i have to miss practice because of work, or because i can't get a ride to the warehouse, but when i am under performing because of something that just sounds like an excuse, it makes me really sad.

i have been significantly more depressed about everything lately. i don't know if it's the lack of components in my diet bringing me down, or my low iron, or the fact that it's winter and i have issues with SAD, but i've been more depressed on a constant basis lately than i ever have in recent memory. i'm taking something for it, but i don't think it's working.

i just want to take a week off work and everything else and just sleep.

i'm also slowly integrating red meat and small amounts of sugar back into my diet. enough of this nonsense.