i know this tunnel will end in light, but i can't see it...

i am officially denouncing the roller derby workout challenge.

i wasn't even really doing the workouts as it was [i was doing my own butt-kicking program through EA sports active], and i was trying to follow the diet plan as best as possible without breaking the bank [new list of stuff every week? seriously?]

but after a week of horrible practices, a lacklustre weigh-in, and just generally feeling miserable, i've had it. this diet doesn't contain enough iron, and it seems to be lacking in some vital elements that i apparently have come to depend on to function normally. plus i'm depriving myself of a lot of the food i like, and am afraid of building a negative association to food & eating.

i also only apparently lost 1.1 Lbs in the past week, regardless of the fact that i did two major hardcore EA workouts and 3 derby practices, on top of restricting my diet. that was the catalyst - i'm not losing any weight, and i'm still not feeling like i'm ready to take on the world.

i think from now on, i'm going to use the meal plan as a basic set of principles, and try to centre my eating habits around it. i'm going to bring red meat back in, i'm going to have pizza once in a while, and i'm going to make sure i'm eating enough before & after i work out. enough of this "a quarter cup of almonds is a snack and i have to ration it on days when i have practice" business. i'm going to continue to try and have complete meals for breakfast, but i'm also going to take advantage of wine & dine. overall, it'll still be a lifestyle change, and that's really what i wanted to get out of this.

i also just got a email full of medical website links from my dad yesterday. he's finally found a name for the condition we both suffer from and have for years - the list of symptoms is extraordinarily familiar and in our conversations, we've realized that this could be life-changing for both of us if we could get it properly treated. apparently i'm not just lazy, and i'm not alone. we're both going to see our respective doctors today, and hopefully be able to make a change for the better. i feel i'd enjoy my job more, and enjoy LIFE more, if this is actually what it is.

if only mental conditions were also like broken arms - easily visible and easily fixable.

onwards.